Resurfacing

Between the craziness of final exams and the holidays, I've barely had time to write. However, I have had plenty of time to think, feel, laugh, enjoy, and soak up a little bit more of life in general.

Aside from spending time with good friends, in town and out of town, I went to see 5 films in the theater.

They were:

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Doubt, Yes Man, The Reader, and Seven Pounds.

It's a lot, I know!!
I wasn't planning to see that many. Maybe 2 at the most. Normally, I'm not one to hit the movie theater every friday night, or even once a month for that matter. I can't claim to be a film buff or anything, but I really enjoy good films with amazing musical scores, rock solid acting, and heavy with themes, suspense, or thought provoking commentary about life that hangs with you for the rest of the week. I also tend to like sad films, where everything doesn't always work out ok, neatly tied up with a bow stamped on top. Cause thats not how real life is. If a movie makes me tear up or get goosebumps (the good kind, not the scared kind), that means I really really liked it.

With the exception of Yes Man, these movies were particularly dark, sad, and intense, but nonetheless hopeful, inspiring, and full of riveting performances and musical scores.

Two of these films, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas & The Reader, were about the Jewish Holocaust and its unbearable tragedy. I couldn't believe the ending in 'Pajamas'. Actually I won't give it away although I originally planned to discuss it....it's just too...insane. but oh so real. any alternative ending just would not have worked. Just go see it.

Doubt: its like watching a play on a screen. which is basically how it was born, because it is a play turned into a film. Amazing performances by Philip Seymour Hoffman (when has he ever let us down?), Meryl Streep, Amy Adams, and Viola Davis. Not a theater must-see, but definitely worth renting or net-flixin'

Yes Man: Heck Yes! Jim Carrey, always a pleasure. Murray from Flight of the Conchords -"prisint". Funny, cute, inspiring, I think a little therapeutic for us all. Basically the whole thing was filmed in Silverlake, Los Angeles, so I was constantly whispering to poor Eric during this one and excitedly pointing to the screen every time they went to a new scene and I saw more of my old stomping grounds: Spaceland, Elysian Park, Griffith Observatory, etc. I think I walked out of that new york city theater even more sure that I'm....probably going to move back oneday soon. I love the southwest.

The Reader: pretty racy at some points, considering it's about an affair between a 30's ish woman and 15 year old boy in Berlin 1958. Love love love Kate Winslet, but that's just me. She is so convincing. It was so impressive the way they aged her character. At one point, she's playing a 66 year old woman across from Ralph Fiennes' 40's character and in reality, it's reversed, as Winslet is in her early 30's and Fiennes is 46.

Seven Pounds: wowza. talk about intense. I had a hard time keeping quiet during this one. Will Smith was spectacular. I wish they went into his backstory more. I found myself wanting to get more inside his head. Is that just the therapist in me? Such a killer movie title. I want to name my first born after it. Or least have it be the kid's weight.

Classes start this week. I have 5 of them.

I just got Rob Bell's and Don Golden's latest book today in the mail "Jesus Wants to Save Christians". I read the back cover and started feeling all giddy. It's almost 1am and I haven't even finished reading Sex God, Rob Bell's other book, but I'm determined to start Jesus Wants to Save Christians tonight too.
Here's the back cover sneakpeek:

There is a church in our area that recently added an addition to their building which cost more than $20 million. Our local newspaper ran a front-page story not too long ago revealing that one in five people in our city lives in poverty.

This is a book about those two numbers.

It's a book about faith and fear, wealth and war, poverty, power, safety, terror, Bibles, bombs, and homeland insecurity; it's about empty empires and the truth that everybody's a priest; it's about oppression, occupation, and what happens when Christians support, animate, and participate in the very things Jesus came to set people free from.

It's about what it means to be a part of the church of Jesus in a world where some people fly planes into buildings while others pick up groceries in Hummers.

Yes.

"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible."

-Voltaire.

This week I've been very pensive.

Such a momentous historic event of seeing the first African-American individual elected as President is not short of inspiring for thought, whether you voted for the man or not. I've seen this election bring out a lot of facets of us human beings, and sadly, it's been very polarizing as it's been unifying. I've been saddened to see the conflict and heated disagreement around me, fear-mongering (a 2012 letter by you know who!!!!) single-issue voting, and an understandable despair about our current economic prognosis and what ought to be done about it.

So, ok. Welcome to the Human Race. We conflict, we don't see things the same way, and we often hurt each other in the process. Sometimes in epic proportions.

But all of this leaves me thinking about conflict and what do we do about it and what really is conflict resolution? Where does forgiveness fit into that?

Last night I went to an event put on by The Gospel and Culture Project which included viewing award-winning documentary "As We Forgive" about the 1994 genocide in Rwanda followed by a discussion with Rwandan nationals, a professor from Westminster Theological Seminary, and psychologist Diane Langberg, whom I'd been dying to meet!! The documentary asks the question: Could you forgive the person(s) who murdered your family? It follows the reconciliation efforts of a community, specifically in the lives of two genocide survivors, Rosaria and Chantale, who come face-to-face with the men who killed their families, as the men are released back into the very communities they once helped to destroy. Completely powerful and heartwrenching, this film was actually a student academy award winner for Best Documentary for 2008.

There were many aspects of the film and the discussion that followed that are worthy of talking about and digesting more. I was so glad to have discovered an organization that is excited to create a place for dialogue about tough issues and a learning environment for people who are passionate about how the Gospel and Culture intersect. But the thing that grabbed me the most was how counterintuitive this idea of reconciliation after a genocide like that seemed. I mean, for real? These people slaughtered innocent families. moms. dads. CHILDREN. Is their confession and repentance genuine? What would real reconciliation look like? Could victims and perpetrators coexist and live in the same communities again, as they once did prior to the genocide?

I'm not gonna go into all the history and complexity of this tragic event...I feel like right now that stuff is beyond me and it was definitely not a one-time, you disrespected me type of transaction. In the same token, I don't believe that forgiveness is the one-time, begrudging transaction many of us were lead to think it is either. Time, grieving, and divine help is a major player here.

How is that for conflict for you? I'm not attempting to speak into the lives of all humanity to tell them must immediately reconcile with people that have wronged them, especially in such monumental ways. Though there is a true freeing that often comes for the one doing the forgiving, honestly I can't begin to fathom what I would do or how I would respond if I were in those women's shoes. But this really challenges me in looking at conflict and the issues of forgiveness and conflict resolution in perhaps a different light.

I believe that we will not see complete harmony and justice in their perfection on this earth; we are a very broken people. I do believe we get glimpse's of it amongst each other at times, and Jesus gave us the ultimate picture of Love, Sacrifice, Forgiveness, and Freedom in Him. Thankfully, His Father and our Creator is the perfect judge whose throne is built on justice, righteousness and mercy, and one day we WILL see justice through Him. But in the meantime, how DO we love our neighbor as ourselves? How do you turn the other cheek? How do you forgive your trespassers? How do we live with people we disagree with and not necessarily be set on trying to change them?

One of my family therapy professors says that all couples and families experience conflict; it is the successful ones that can resolve it. Initially, I interpreted this as meaning that resolution meant, "I've convinced you of my correctness, you are now on my side, we see eye to eye, or even vice versa". I'm starting to think that maybe it may look like this at times, but real conflict resolution is being able to live with the differences, and the flaws (cause we all have em folks) and LOVING EACH OTHER THROUGH THE CONFLICT.

This is my challenge to myself. This is my call to arms.
The arms that hug, that is :-)

Underoath: In Regards to Self (love them!!)

Wake up wake up my God this is not a test
And it's not too late to come clean
Get it off your chest
So steady your hand before your face and concentrate
There's got to be some stable ground left to walk on

So tear another page from the book
Are you asleep or just alone
Clear this room from your lungs
And pull yourself together man

On your back, you're sleeping in a bed of shame
Let the light breathe some new life into this room
It's what keeps you coming back
Made up of insatiable taste
Bury your head in your hands and sink into yourself

Just what are you so afraid of
You're staring truth in the face, so come on down

You're busy living now aren't you
You're busy making vows
You're coming unglued
Time is shorter than you know
I know the light is blinding to the naked eye
So why don't you take steps away from being alone
I swear it's not too late for you

It's all worth reaching for the hand to pull you out
Wake up and step outside your box
Wake up

The Day After Change

I know it's been awhile since I've written and in the near future I'd like to change that. Somehow life and internship work in particular has made that more difficult for me than I'd like, but after the day of such a historic election, I wanted to leave you with some words and encouragement that one of my favorite people had to say:

this is from the blog of wendy melchior once again! :)

After all the hype of yesterday – long lines at polling centers and election results rolling in – I woke up today and everything inside my bedroom looks the same.

I’m glad we voted yesterday in a historic election. But today, let’s:

Use less
Love someone who is unlovable
Listen longer
Take time to pray
Pick up some trash that we didn’t drop
Give up something we want in order to bless someone else, whether he or she has earned it or not
Respect both the winner and the loser
Advance peace

Change is more than rhetoric. Regardless of who you voted for, it’s time to move. It was never really about one man anyway.

Thoughts From the Curb

Friend, colleague (ok, well maybe not colleague but more like 'mentor'), and fellow blogger Wendy Melchior wrote a great post today on her blog, Tripping.
short but sweet, will make you think.
just how I like it.

go give a read :-)

Burdens Into Blessings

A couple of riveting news stories today caught my eye while I was workin on my fitness this afternoon at the gym. One was about a father-son rescue from being in the open waters of the Atlantic for 12 hours off the Florida Coast. For hours there was no rescue signs or helicopters or boats insight and they were at the mercy of a rip-tide. The 12-year-old son, Christopher, is autistic and mostly nonverbal except for being able to recite some catchphrases from some of his favorite Disney movies. Christopher and his 46-year-old father, Walter, shouted some of these back and forth to each other as they fought to stay alive and waited to be rescued on the open sea. "To infinity!" Dad shouted, "And beyond!" came his son's reply. Christopher's autism allowed to him not have fear in this situation because of his fascination with water and its soothing effect on him. Walter says Christopher's laughing and giddiness during this frightening situation is what help to keep him relatively calm and hopeful himself during moments when it all seemed like a lost cause. Eventually after getting separated from each other and fighting against stinging jellyfish, the two were rescued by the coast guard and reunited. You can watch the father's reaction to the coast guard in the aftermath as he thanks them and yells "the coast guard ROCKS!!"


The second story was much more tragic. Five years ago this week, husband and father of 4 Robert Rogers lost his wife and young children to drowning when a flash flood swept their minivan off a Kansas highway in September of 2003. Rogers, a former mechanical engineer, now spends his time traveling around the country speaking to people about finding hope in the midst of tragedy and has dedicated himself to an extraordinary charity project: he will build 5 orphanages on 5 different continents, each in honor to one of his family members that he lost in the flood. So far, one such children's home in honor of his wife, "Melissa Home", has been opened Russia and houses 8 teenage girls. Construction on a second one has begun in Rwanda.

In the face of unthinkable loss and tragedy, Rogers has maintained that he never became bitter towards God and his faith has remained intact. He stated that he didn't see the point of being angry, but wanted to do something constructive by telling his story to others and opening the five orphanages.

Both of these stories quieted me a bit inside because I felt blown away by them. Both are stories of survival, but only one is of rescue. Both are examples of how God can turn the burdens of our lives into blessings. He can bring good out of the bad. "Even when a man lost his entire family in some freaky flashflood?" I asked myself today..YES.

And how a parent must feel when their child is diagnosed with Autism...I can only imagine. Surely there are worse things, but this one can be daunting nonetheless. It amazes me to think about how the fact that it was 12 year old Christopher's 'illness' or 'disability' that helped him and his father to survive those harrowing 12 hours out to sea. together and apart.

Furthermore, I felt blown away by Robert Roger's reaction to the unspeakable loss he has endured. Though he STILL grieves and cries for his loss years later, he is/was not bitter. or angry, or wtf God! Would I react like that? Would I remain strong in my knowledge of who God is? I am being challenged today about these things, but also reminded about how mighty He is in the midst of any circumstance we might face.

I encourage you to read the rest of the news stories in their fullness via the links I've included. They are rich with emotion and inspiration.

burdens into blessings.
this has been my prayer for the troubles I've been facing and I have seen Him do it.

Will the Real McShady Please Stand Up?

Sophocles said it's better to "die with honor than to succeed with fraud."

My wise, witty, Dr.-House-resembling supervisor recently added that "the narcissist only wants you to hold up the mirror for him." (we love u J!)

In an ever-morphing world of relational trends and practices, tonight I'm thinking about what it means to have honor, integrity, and basically be the opposite of SHADY.

Let's face it. Nobody likes a player, nobody wants to be mislead, nobody wants to get their hopes up only to be crushed out of nowhere. But we still do it. We still think the person will change and WE will be the catalyst. It probably takes a couple of let-downs to learn how to walk away early on.

I just got off the phone with a very perplexed female friend who recently had the whole relationship 180 thing happen to her. We talked about the signs and symptoms of this guy, who randomly started doing the whole "not calling when they said they would" deal, "working late", "on call", "you're overreacting", blah blah blah and the list goes on. Most of us have experienced this before, and while not the most grievous of offenses, it still leaves us with a WTF feeling.

This is something I see a lot with wonderful girl friends of mine (guys too) and I've had it happen to me as well. I'm not all up in arms about it, but I'm puzzled. It just seems like a colossal waste of time. Why so much shadyness? Are people really that unclear about what they want or are they so disconnected from considering the feelings of others? Do we blame technology for turning us into people who are secretly relieved to stay anonymous and distant behind our computer screens?

Maybe this isn't a more recent trend among young men and women. Maybe it's been like this always and all I know is "my time" in the early twenty-first century. But talking to my smart, funny, cute friend tonight and listening to her story reminded me of some of my stories, and how this kind of hollow behavior still makes zero sense.

It also makes me completely grateful and joyful that Life is MORE than this stuff, than the McShadesters and their shady ways. It's bigger than the hurt and disappointment people cause one another, because He who created me is for me and Mighty to save.

In Sickness and In Health.

For the past few days, I've been sick mostly at home with some sort of sinus infection, accompanied by a stubborn fever that won't seem to leave. Last night it kept me up until nearly 5am.. my body was hot and cold at the same time, and my head throbbed. Finally I got up and had a snack consisting of the closest, easiest thing I could grab: four slices of bread and butter with water. Half-awake, I tried to watch an episode of 'Flight of the Conchords', a short-lived TV series that enough people recommended to me to get my attention! and that it most certainly did. finally, my fever seemed to cool down a little and eventually I drifted off to sleep. I have enough nightmares as it is, but let me tell you, fever dreams are much worse! Think Tom Cruise on the loose, trying to take over the world, and my family specifically, with his Scientology cloning and aliens and general mayhem. that has GOT to stop!

I've been getting really antsy being trapped in this quiet apartment for a few days and basically just laying around since I've been not feeling well. Thankfully, I had to go meet my old supervisor this afternoon a few blocks away, which gave me an excuse to get dressed and get out for a bit. On my way back, I decided to see if a slurpee might help cool down my slight fever I had going on. While walking by LOVE park on the way back to my dorm, I saw that a small, but passionate protest was going on in front of one of the city govt. buildings where DHS (dept. of human services) is housed.

For those of you not in the philly area, I'll update you. A news story broke about a week ago regarding a 14 year old disabled girl, Danieal (pronounced Danielle) Kelly [pictured above], who starved to death in her home during an August 2006 heat wave. Under the care of both her parents and DHS, she was still neglected (why doesn't really matter in my opinion) and died. Nine people were charged following her death, including her parents, friends of the mother, and 2 DHS social workers.

I'm unsure of whether this story made national headlines (I doubt it), but DHS is an agency that at times I interface with since I also work in the mental health field as an MFT intern... so I decided to stop and listen for awhile. Various people took turns speaking into the megaphone thing, and about 10 camera crew people filmed and snapped pictures. Others took notes. They called for justice and reform and change. They pleaded with the public to not sit by any longer, but to use their voices in protest. One lady read a wonderful poem illustrating this point.

A little while later while walking home, I thought of the words of the Mayor from a meeting he held a few days ago. Addressing Danieal Kelly directly he said: "As a city government, we have failed you." He's right, and its utterly tragic.

As for the where's, why's, who's, how's etc, I don't know how this case slipped through the cracks or how anyone could be so careless. But I do know that this is not how it's supposed to be. This is nothing remotely close to the treatment people should receive from social services or in the mental health field. We are all to be held to a much higher standard than this. I personally want to voice my disgust over this whole situation...it still makes me shudder just thinking about it.

I know that I didn't know this little girl personally, but I see kids like her, who are neglected or mistreated, frequently in my line of work, and feel all the more compelled to NOT fail them or let them down. If we as professionals cannot get them what they need, then we need to get them to someone who can. I feel this applies to the larger community as well...neighbors, friends, relatives, everyone, and anyone.

So as I rest here in my apartment wishing my fever would go away and my head would stop aching, the temporary discomfort I feel seems to go a little bit numb while I think about these things. People deserve the best possible care because each one, each child especially, is precious and honored in His sight. Each one is worthy of our promise to stand by them in sickness and in health. If we can't do this for our spouses (and this is not to let anyone off the hook there either!), let's at least do it for the kids.