Cause That's Where a Ranger's Gonna Be!

Don't bother asking me how my vacation went, because I have no idea. I slept through most of it. And no, I didn't spend too much time at happy hour or getting my benzos on. 14 days later and about 12-14 pounds lighter I'm barely coming up to breathe again. But don't worry Los Angeles, I still love you.

Though I managed to get a viewing of Inception in first, I came THIS close to having to get my tonsils out earlier this week, as my Armenian doctor scowled down at my throat and barked about how bad it looked. Lucky for me though, somehow the new antibiotic she gave me started to work--apparently against all odds--and my dreaded tonsilectemy could wait a few more weeks/months (depending on how much I was willing to hedge my bets). Finally this unrelenting bacteria infection in my tonsils showed us a peek of its achilles heel, and I collasped on my bed at my cousins' house with relief. And didn't move. For about another 6 days.

The thing about being sick is, you wanna have good people and things around you. Now, I am on my paid vacation currently in LA, staying with family. My parents happen to be out here right now as well. Does it suck being bedridden on vacation in your favorite place that you waiting all year for? Definitely. Would it be way more awesome if I wasn't sitting at home typing this as the rest of my family went out to the cheesecake factory at the Americana? Yup! Would I rather be anywhere else right now? No way. My cousin is like my big sister, and doesn't get grossed out by all my weird symptoms and selflessly drives me to the doctors everyday and picks up what I need. My parents have come over several times to bring me more things, including flowers!! :) and helped me push back my ticket so I can fly home with them this wednesday on a direct flight instead of tomorrow. I'm in my most favorite city in a beautiful house with my own room that leads onto a roof terrace.

Basically what I've concluded is: I'm gonna be a zombie, I'd rather be one in LA.

So admist all fatigue, pain, and disappointment of a vacation that ended up being not at all what was planned, I'm now sitting up, drinking sprite, blogging (less than a year later yay!!) and loving the view of palm trees outside my window. This time has been like a strange dejavu to when I got REALLY sick a little less than a year ago at thanksgiving. Well, God, I'm still a very thankful woman. Probably a lot more because of the rough times such as these. If it weren't for them I'd see You very differently (and shallowly) and my heart would be much heavier.

And for those of you that got the random Walker Texas Ranger theme song lyrics texts the past few days, I do not apologize.

Not Resurfacing ....Yet.

I know it's been a looooooong time since I've come around here, and I promise I have a valid excuse... it's all grad school's fault.

The past few weeks have just been ridiculous! the amount of work I'm supposed to do...and the time given...just not possible. I'm sorry. I know it must sound like I'm whining but I'm just stating the facts. I'm mad stressed and overwhelmed.

I've had blog entry ideas come to me here and there, but no time to really write them. It will all have to wait for now. Recently my home has been the library or cosi where I can enjoy some chill atmosphere and yummy food.

I think the end of March will afford me a small break.

In any event, here's some recent tidbits:

-one of my favorite people and mentors, Susan E. Isaacs, has a book coming out this month called "Angry Conversations With God: A Snarky But Authentic Spiritual Memoir"
It's already gotten top reviews from Jim Gaffigan (actor and comedian), Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz), and Tony Hale (actor who played "Buster" on ever so amazing "Arrested Development"). You should do yourself a favor and check it out!

-I'm missing California like woah. Nothing set in stone but...serious serious possibility I may move back in the near future!

-Only about 3 months to go until graduation. It can't some soon enough!

-I'm starting to become even more and more of an actual believer in this whole concept of 'God's timing'. f'real f'real.

-I love this prangstgrup gang on youtube. while my undergrad experience was a blast and full of pranks, we weren't quite THIS awesome:

Resurfacing

Between the craziness of final exams and the holidays, I've barely had time to write. However, I have had plenty of time to think, feel, laugh, enjoy, and soak up a little bit more of life in general.

Aside from spending time with good friends, in town and out of town, I went to see 5 films in the theater.

They were:

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Doubt, Yes Man, The Reader, and Seven Pounds.

It's a lot, I know!!
I wasn't planning to see that many. Maybe 2 at the most. Normally, I'm not one to hit the movie theater every friday night, or even once a month for that matter. I can't claim to be a film buff or anything, but I really enjoy good films with amazing musical scores, rock solid acting, and heavy with themes, suspense, or thought provoking commentary about life that hangs with you for the rest of the week. I also tend to like sad films, where everything doesn't always work out ok, neatly tied up with a bow stamped on top. Cause thats not how real life is. If a movie makes me tear up or get goosebumps (the good kind, not the scared kind), that means I really really liked it.

With the exception of Yes Man, these movies were particularly dark, sad, and intense, but nonetheless hopeful, inspiring, and full of riveting performances and musical scores.

Two of these films, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas & The Reader, were about the Jewish Holocaust and its unbearable tragedy. I couldn't believe the ending in 'Pajamas'. Actually I won't give it away although I originally planned to discuss it....it's just too...insane. but oh so real. any alternative ending just would not have worked. Just go see it.

Doubt: its like watching a play on a screen. which is basically how it was born, because it is a play turned into a film. Amazing performances by Philip Seymour Hoffman (when has he ever let us down?), Meryl Streep, Amy Adams, and Viola Davis. Not a theater must-see, but definitely worth renting or net-flixin'

Yes Man: Heck Yes! Jim Carrey, always a pleasure. Murray from Flight of the Conchords -"prisint". Funny, cute, inspiring, I think a little therapeutic for us all. Basically the whole thing was filmed in Silverlake, Los Angeles, so I was constantly whispering to poor Eric during this one and excitedly pointing to the screen every time they went to a new scene and I saw more of my old stomping grounds: Spaceland, Elysian Park, Griffith Observatory, etc. I think I walked out of that new york city theater even more sure that I'm....probably going to move back oneday soon. I love the southwest.

The Reader: pretty racy at some points, considering it's about an affair between a 30's ish woman and 15 year old boy in Berlin 1958. Love love love Kate Winslet, but that's just me. She is so convincing. It was so impressive the way they aged her character. At one point, she's playing a 66 year old woman across from Ralph Fiennes' 40's character and in reality, it's reversed, as Winslet is in her early 30's and Fiennes is 46.

Seven Pounds: wowza. talk about intense. I had a hard time keeping quiet during this one. Will Smith was spectacular. I wish they went into his backstory more. I found myself wanting to get more inside his head. Is that just the therapist in me? Such a killer movie title. I want to name my first born after it. Or least have it be the kid's weight.

Classes start this week. I have 5 of them.

I just got Rob Bell's and Don Golden's latest book today in the mail "Jesus Wants to Save Christians". I read the back cover and started feeling all giddy. It's almost 1am and I haven't even finished reading Sex God, Rob Bell's other book, but I'm determined to start Jesus Wants to Save Christians tonight too.
Here's the back cover sneakpeek:

There is a church in our area that recently added an addition to their building which cost more than $20 million. Our local newspaper ran a front-page story not too long ago revealing that one in five people in our city lives in poverty.

This is a book about those two numbers.

It's a book about faith and fear, wealth and war, poverty, power, safety, terror, Bibles, bombs, and homeland insecurity; it's about empty empires and the truth that everybody's a priest; it's about oppression, occupation, and what happens when Christians support, animate, and participate in the very things Jesus came to set people free from.

It's about what it means to be a part of the church of Jesus in a world where some people fly planes into buildings while others pick up groceries in Hummers.

Yes.

no matter where I go you're in my bones.

*this is from something I posted a few weeks ago from facebook, but needs to see the light of blogspot ---just a lil summary for any interested folks!*

I firmly believe that when you're an artist, of ANY form, creativity/inspiration/whatever you wanna call it comes to you at some of the most unexpected and inconvenient times, and you have no choice but to get it all out and down on paper or onto the computer screen before it escapes you forever.

That's pretty much what's happening here.

I've been meaning to write about this for over a month now, but the spare time to organize my thoughts in this wonderful public setting has continued to evade me ---much to my frustration.

I'm nearly finished my first year of grad school (so hard to believe) and I'm really really thankful. Not only am I thankful to be nearly done that first year, I'm extremely thankful to be IN grad school and learning from many top notch professionals and educators. I'm thankful to have some pretty fantastic (and hilarious) people in my program that make me laugh in every class (and I them!!). I'm thankful to be about 45 minutes away from some of the people I've lived about a 5 hour plane ride away from during the past 7 years (and sometimes a 12 hour plane ride) namely my parents, sister, and extended family. And also, I'm really really thankful that there's only one more year of school after this one.

I spent part of 2006 and 2007 (about a year all together) in a wonderful time of life we call TRANSITION. yup, a whole year. Its not like I didn't do anything, cause I did. I lived with my cousins in Los Angeles, met some great friends through my life group at Christian Assembly, nannied for an awesome 6 yr old and equally talented 11 yr old, visited santa barbara, san fransisco, and san diego again, and lots of trips to orange county of course! Most importantly, I decided what was next and where I was going to go to school. That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my life. Maybe it actually WAS the hardest, now that I think about it. Looking back, I don't even know how I actually MADE that decision. I just remember agonizing over and over and over about it. Finally, I chose Drexel and then I felt quietness inside, but in a good way. Really though, it was just the calm before the storm.

Things are hitting me now...reality that is. I said goodbye to a lot back there, in california. Upon driving away from my two "kids" Rachel and Ben for the last time at their house, I was surprised by my own flood of tears. Those two rascals drove me NUTS at times and probably I them (for not letting them get away with things all the time), we really bonded. All of my FAMILY out there...my French cousin and her husband with whom we had our weekly dinner + 24 nights + nonstop laughter, my little 2 yr old cousin Vienna from whom i was learning Armenian from (she's ridiculously smart and could actually translate between Armenian and English), my cousins Irene and Gerry who graciously opened their home to me, and my wonderful cousin Diane whom I simply ADORE. She's the big sister I never had, until we became roommates when I moved to Los Angeles after graduating from college. And not to forget all my amazing friends who I miss fiercely even now, ones from undergrad and new ones that I met in unexpected places and ways.
But oh, california. You had stolen my heart from day one. And you didn't really have to even try because you had one major, powerful, gets-me-anytime secret weapon: the ocean.

I just can't stand to be away from it. I think I would die if I had to live in Kansas, unless it was just for the summer where I could tag along with some storm chasers. But the ocean is like my lifeline. I feel like I have some weird connection with it. I think my parents were dead on in giving me the name that they did. Meredith means "from the sea".
But then there's the palm trees, the desert, the mountains, the SUN and its warmth... HOME. its in my bones.

No matter where you go, you're always missing someone or something. A LOT. at least this has been my experience. its hard for me at times, cause I'm such a sucker when it comes to my emotions and memories and people I love. Sometimes I wish I could just feel no emotions at all or at least be very seldom affected, but then I guess I wouldn't be me at all anymore. And that's definitely not ok with me!!! and probably not with many other people either. Still though, I hate goodbyes. I dread those times in my life where I feel like I don't belong anywhere or to anyone...where I feel like I don't have much control or idea about what is going to happen next. They inevitably do happen. Especially when you tend to not live in the same place year after year after year after year doing the same thing day after day after day. At the end of the day though, i wouldn't trade my life for anything. I just wouldn't.

So back to my original reason for writing this first and extremely lengthy monologue...it wasn't supposed to a trip down memory lane, but more like reflections on "life w/ grad school" type of deal. While I'm missing so many of the people and things I described above, I am also missing a few other things, like a social life, time for creative/artistic stuff I love to do, and an income. maybe just...independency? Its weird cause I'm 25, living in the supposedly free des Etats Unis, with a car and access to education and many other resources, but I DON'T feel very free. I mean, I shouldn't even be sitting here and WRITING this right now ---I'm supposed to be...being productive.
what.the.crap.
I feel like those parts of me are sleeping or dormant at the moment or something and when that happens, I don't feel quite like "me" anymore. its weird and sad and new and exciting and scary all at once.

you'll go backwards, but then, you'll go forwards again.

Thank you Coldplay song that ironically sounds a lot like radiohead.

well, with all that said, I guess I'm learning everyday that its okay if I don't really have time to paint or keep learning guitar and play it for the old people or sew or host fun parties for friends or skateboard on lunchbreaks at the beach or go to a bazillion concerts or free movie screenings or be in southern california. It doesn't mean I'll never be able to do those things again, I will, but right now they have to be put on the backburner for the most part, for a season.

so friends, there's a crazy long update for you, for those that have been hungry for some news from the captivating and elusive world of meredith munro. I miss and love you all very much and I hope this note finds you well and smiling! cheers.