Cause That's Where a Ranger's Gonna Be!

Don't bother asking me how my vacation went, because I have no idea. I slept through most of it. And no, I didn't spend too much time at happy hour or getting my benzos on. 14 days later and about 12-14 pounds lighter I'm barely coming up to breathe again. But don't worry Los Angeles, I still love you.

Though I managed to get a viewing of Inception in first, I came THIS close to having to get my tonsils out earlier this week, as my Armenian doctor scowled down at my throat and barked about how bad it looked. Lucky for me though, somehow the new antibiotic she gave me started to work--apparently against all odds--and my dreaded tonsilectemy could wait a few more weeks/months (depending on how much I was willing to hedge my bets). Finally this unrelenting bacteria infection in my tonsils showed us a peek of its achilles heel, and I collasped on my bed at my cousins' house with relief. And didn't move. For about another 6 days.

The thing about being sick is, you wanna have good people and things around you. Now, I am on my paid vacation currently in LA, staying with family. My parents happen to be out here right now as well. Does it suck being bedridden on vacation in your favorite place that you waiting all year for? Definitely. Would it be way more awesome if I wasn't sitting at home typing this as the rest of my family went out to the cheesecake factory at the Americana? Yup! Would I rather be anywhere else right now? No way. My cousin is like my big sister, and doesn't get grossed out by all my weird symptoms and selflessly drives me to the doctors everyday and picks up what I need. My parents have come over several times to bring me more things, including flowers!! :) and helped me push back my ticket so I can fly home with them this wednesday on a direct flight instead of tomorrow. I'm in my most favorite city in a beautiful house with my own room that leads onto a roof terrace.

Basically what I've concluded is: I'm gonna be a zombie, I'd rather be one in LA.

So admist all fatigue, pain, and disappointment of a vacation that ended up being not at all what was planned, I'm now sitting up, drinking sprite, blogging (less than a year later yay!!) and loving the view of palm trees outside my window. This time has been like a strange dejavu to when I got REALLY sick a little less than a year ago at thanksgiving. Well, God, I'm still a very thankful woman. Probably a lot more because of the rough times such as these. If it weren't for them I'd see You very differently (and shallowly) and my heart would be much heavier.

And for those of you that got the random Walker Texas Ranger theme song lyrics texts the past few days, I do not apologize.

"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible."

-Voltaire.

This week I've been very pensive.

Such a momentous historic event of seeing the first African-American individual elected as President is not short of inspiring for thought, whether you voted for the man or not. I've seen this election bring out a lot of facets of us human beings, and sadly, it's been very polarizing as it's been unifying. I've been saddened to see the conflict and heated disagreement around me, fear-mongering (a 2012 letter by you know who!!!!) single-issue voting, and an understandable despair about our current economic prognosis and what ought to be done about it.

So, ok. Welcome to the Human Race. We conflict, we don't see things the same way, and we often hurt each other in the process. Sometimes in epic proportions.

But all of this leaves me thinking about conflict and what do we do about it and what really is conflict resolution? Where does forgiveness fit into that?

Last night I went to an event put on by The Gospel and Culture Project which included viewing award-winning documentary "As We Forgive" about the 1994 genocide in Rwanda followed by a discussion with Rwandan nationals, a professor from Westminster Theological Seminary, and psychologist Diane Langberg, whom I'd been dying to meet!! The documentary asks the question: Could you forgive the person(s) who murdered your family? It follows the reconciliation efforts of a community, specifically in the lives of two genocide survivors, Rosaria and Chantale, who come face-to-face with the men who killed their families, as the men are released back into the very communities they once helped to destroy. Completely powerful and heartwrenching, this film was actually a student academy award winner for Best Documentary for 2008.

There were many aspects of the film and the discussion that followed that are worthy of talking about and digesting more. I was so glad to have discovered an organization that is excited to create a place for dialogue about tough issues and a learning environment for people who are passionate about how the Gospel and Culture intersect. But the thing that grabbed me the most was how counterintuitive this idea of reconciliation after a genocide like that seemed. I mean, for real? These people slaughtered innocent families. moms. dads. CHILDREN. Is their confession and repentance genuine? What would real reconciliation look like? Could victims and perpetrators coexist and live in the same communities again, as they once did prior to the genocide?

I'm not gonna go into all the history and complexity of this tragic event...I feel like right now that stuff is beyond me and it was definitely not a one-time, you disrespected me type of transaction. In the same token, I don't believe that forgiveness is the one-time, begrudging transaction many of us were lead to think it is either. Time, grieving, and divine help is a major player here.

How is that for conflict for you? I'm not attempting to speak into the lives of all humanity to tell them must immediately reconcile with people that have wronged them, especially in such monumental ways. Though there is a true freeing that often comes for the one doing the forgiving, honestly I can't begin to fathom what I would do or how I would respond if I were in those women's shoes. But this really challenges me in looking at conflict and the issues of forgiveness and conflict resolution in perhaps a different light.

I believe that we will not see complete harmony and justice in their perfection on this earth; we are a very broken people. I do believe we get glimpse's of it amongst each other at times, and Jesus gave us the ultimate picture of Love, Sacrifice, Forgiveness, and Freedom in Him. Thankfully, His Father and our Creator is the perfect judge whose throne is built on justice, righteousness and mercy, and one day we WILL see justice through Him. But in the meantime, how DO we love our neighbor as ourselves? How do you turn the other cheek? How do you forgive your trespassers? How do we live with people we disagree with and not necessarily be set on trying to change them?

One of my family therapy professors says that all couples and families experience conflict; it is the successful ones that can resolve it. Initially, I interpreted this as meaning that resolution meant, "I've convinced you of my correctness, you are now on my side, we see eye to eye, or even vice versa". I'm starting to think that maybe it may look like this at times, but real conflict resolution is being able to live with the differences, and the flaws (cause we all have em folks) and LOVING EACH OTHER THROUGH THE CONFLICT.

This is my challenge to myself. This is my call to arms.
The arms that hug, that is :-)

Underoath: In Regards to Self (love them!!)

Wake up wake up my God this is not a test
And it's not too late to come clean
Get it off your chest
So steady your hand before your face and concentrate
There's got to be some stable ground left to walk on

So tear another page from the book
Are you asleep or just alone
Clear this room from your lungs
And pull yourself together man

On your back, you're sleeping in a bed of shame
Let the light breathe some new life into this room
It's what keeps you coming back
Made up of insatiable taste
Bury your head in your hands and sink into yourself

Just what are you so afraid of
You're staring truth in the face, so come on down

You're busy living now aren't you
You're busy making vows
You're coming unglued
Time is shorter than you know
I know the light is blinding to the naked eye
So why don't you take steps away from being alone
I swear it's not too late for you

It's all worth reaching for the hand to pull you out
Wake up and step outside your box
Wake up

Burdens Into Blessings

A couple of riveting news stories today caught my eye while I was workin on my fitness this afternoon at the gym. One was about a father-son rescue from being in the open waters of the Atlantic for 12 hours off the Florida Coast. For hours there was no rescue signs or helicopters or boats insight and they were at the mercy of a rip-tide. The 12-year-old son, Christopher, is autistic and mostly nonverbal except for being able to recite some catchphrases from some of his favorite Disney movies. Christopher and his 46-year-old father, Walter, shouted some of these back and forth to each other as they fought to stay alive and waited to be rescued on the open sea. "To infinity!" Dad shouted, "And beyond!" came his son's reply. Christopher's autism allowed to him not have fear in this situation because of his fascination with water and its soothing effect on him. Walter says Christopher's laughing and giddiness during this frightening situation is what help to keep him relatively calm and hopeful himself during moments when it all seemed like a lost cause. Eventually after getting separated from each other and fighting against stinging jellyfish, the two were rescued by the coast guard and reunited. You can watch the father's reaction to the coast guard in the aftermath as he thanks them and yells "the coast guard ROCKS!!"


The second story was much more tragic. Five years ago this week, husband and father of 4 Robert Rogers lost his wife and young children to drowning when a flash flood swept their minivan off a Kansas highway in September of 2003. Rogers, a former mechanical engineer, now spends his time traveling around the country speaking to people about finding hope in the midst of tragedy and has dedicated himself to an extraordinary charity project: he will build 5 orphanages on 5 different continents, each in honor to one of his family members that he lost in the flood. So far, one such children's home in honor of his wife, "Melissa Home", has been opened Russia and houses 8 teenage girls. Construction on a second one has begun in Rwanda.

In the face of unthinkable loss and tragedy, Rogers has maintained that he never became bitter towards God and his faith has remained intact. He stated that he didn't see the point of being angry, but wanted to do something constructive by telling his story to others and opening the five orphanages.

Both of these stories quieted me a bit inside because I felt blown away by them. Both are stories of survival, but only one is of rescue. Both are examples of how God can turn the burdens of our lives into blessings. He can bring good out of the bad. "Even when a man lost his entire family in some freaky flashflood?" I asked myself today..YES.

And how a parent must feel when their child is diagnosed with Autism...I can only imagine. Surely there are worse things, but this one can be daunting nonetheless. It amazes me to think about how the fact that it was 12 year old Christopher's 'illness' or 'disability' that helped him and his father to survive those harrowing 12 hours out to sea. together and apart.

Furthermore, I felt blown away by Robert Roger's reaction to the unspeakable loss he has endured. Though he STILL grieves and cries for his loss years later, he is/was not bitter. or angry, or wtf God! Would I react like that? Would I remain strong in my knowledge of who God is? I am being challenged today about these things, but also reminded about how mighty He is in the midst of any circumstance we might face.

I encourage you to read the rest of the news stories in their fullness via the links I've included. They are rich with emotion and inspiration.

burdens into blessings.
this has been my prayer for the troubles I've been facing and I have seen Him do it.

In Sickness and In Health.

For the past few days, I've been sick mostly at home with some sort of sinus infection, accompanied by a stubborn fever that won't seem to leave. Last night it kept me up until nearly 5am.. my body was hot and cold at the same time, and my head throbbed. Finally I got up and had a snack consisting of the closest, easiest thing I could grab: four slices of bread and butter with water. Half-awake, I tried to watch an episode of 'Flight of the Conchords', a short-lived TV series that enough people recommended to me to get my attention! and that it most certainly did. finally, my fever seemed to cool down a little and eventually I drifted off to sleep. I have enough nightmares as it is, but let me tell you, fever dreams are much worse! Think Tom Cruise on the loose, trying to take over the world, and my family specifically, with his Scientology cloning and aliens and general mayhem. that has GOT to stop!

I've been getting really antsy being trapped in this quiet apartment for a few days and basically just laying around since I've been not feeling well. Thankfully, I had to go meet my old supervisor this afternoon a few blocks away, which gave me an excuse to get dressed and get out for a bit. On my way back, I decided to see if a slurpee might help cool down my slight fever I had going on. While walking by LOVE park on the way back to my dorm, I saw that a small, but passionate protest was going on in front of one of the city govt. buildings where DHS (dept. of human services) is housed.

For those of you not in the philly area, I'll update you. A news story broke about a week ago regarding a 14 year old disabled girl, Danieal (pronounced Danielle) Kelly [pictured above], who starved to death in her home during an August 2006 heat wave. Under the care of both her parents and DHS, she was still neglected (why doesn't really matter in my opinion) and died. Nine people were charged following her death, including her parents, friends of the mother, and 2 DHS social workers.

I'm unsure of whether this story made national headlines (I doubt it), but DHS is an agency that at times I interface with since I also work in the mental health field as an MFT intern... so I decided to stop and listen for awhile. Various people took turns speaking into the megaphone thing, and about 10 camera crew people filmed and snapped pictures. Others took notes. They called for justice and reform and change. They pleaded with the public to not sit by any longer, but to use their voices in protest. One lady read a wonderful poem illustrating this point.

A little while later while walking home, I thought of the words of the Mayor from a meeting he held a few days ago. Addressing Danieal Kelly directly he said: "As a city government, we have failed you." He's right, and its utterly tragic.

As for the where's, why's, who's, how's etc, I don't know how this case slipped through the cracks or how anyone could be so careless. But I do know that this is not how it's supposed to be. This is nothing remotely close to the treatment people should receive from social services or in the mental health field. We are all to be held to a much higher standard than this. I personally want to voice my disgust over this whole situation...it still makes me shudder just thinking about it.

I know that I didn't know this little girl personally, but I see kids like her, who are neglected or mistreated, frequently in my line of work, and feel all the more compelled to NOT fail them or let them down. If we as professionals cannot get them what they need, then we need to get them to someone who can. I feel this applies to the larger community as well...neighbors, friends, relatives, everyone, and anyone.

So as I rest here in my apartment wishing my fever would go away and my head would stop aching, the temporary discomfort I feel seems to go a little bit numb while I think about these things. People deserve the best possible care because each one, each child especially, is precious and honored in His sight. Each one is worthy of our promise to stand by them in sickness and in health. If we can't do this for our spouses (and this is not to let anyone off the hook there either!), let's at least do it for the kids.