TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

So anyone that's talked with me beyond the small talk knows that it hasn't exactly been my week. I've had different people cancel on me last minute 2 days in a row, and then I had to cancel my own new york plans this weekend because of work. so bummed about that! but life goes on, and I know I will see my cancellation friends soon.

I don't necessarily want my writings on here to become a place for deep personal and emotional sharing, ...or maybe I do... but right now it's not the habit I want to cultivate for this blog. today will be a bit of an exception.

I had some time today to myself after my early morning doctors appointment and so I stopped by my parents' house and sat in the backyard. our cat that we just had to put down not that long ago is buried there. I know he's "just a pet" but I miss him to pieces everyday. if you've ever had a pet you know what I'm talking about.

I was writing and thinking and praying and trying to just sit with and face some of the gloominess running through me from this week, since some old fears/struggles had come back to haunt me again. While I was sitting there I was reminded of these words someone had said me to about a year ago while sitting in a park in Santa Monica while overlooking the ocean:

"I'm SO excited that you exist."

As happy as I was in that moment, these words still wound me today when I am reminded of them. even if not as intensely, any at all is too much. I believed this person at the time and of course this is only a small part of the story, but at the end of the day their words and actions didn't match up. And I realized I should have shaken the dust off my boots and walked away a lot sooner.

Its strange how deep words can cut. how long things can linger.

But it really made me think, do I believe God when He says about me "I'm SO excited that you exist!!" ...do I believe that He says that about me? that He loves me not because He 'has to' love me by default or because I am just there, because I am one of his special and beloved ones? days like today I struggle to feel it.

from an underoath song:

So hold your head up high and know it's not the end of the road
Walk down this beaten path before you pack your things and head home
At the end of the road you'll find what you've been longing for

I know 'cause my feet have scars to show
I was lost with vague direction and no place to call home

Now is the time for you to press on
This is not your war
Set your sights due North and press on
This is not your escape
Wash away what they thought of you
Because in this place, we're all as good as dead
end cycle

Behind the mask you'll find yourself alone
It's not the end of the road for you
At the end of the road, you'll find what you've been longing for

My Days Go On & On

wow.
where to BEGIN!

so much stuff to update about.
but its such good stuff, so here I go:

::GRAD SCHOOL::

As of Monday at 4pm, I became a free woman! turned in my last paper for the quarter and for the year! so now I'm done for the summer, aside from my internship -- I'm beyond stoked. SOOOO RELIEVED! pretty optimistic about this summer and having time for a full social life once again :) most importantly though, its crazy to think that I am officially done my first year of grad school and halfway through my master's program! My mom reminded me the other day that a year ago I was freaking out about where I was going to go to school, where I would live, etc. I was so confused about it all and having the toughest time deciding. Now looking back on that, it absolutely blows my mind how much has happened, how much I've grown and learned and changed. God's goodness and faithfulness has been incredible.

::GREG LASWELL::
one of the up and coming new artists to grace the singer-songwriter world.
newish, but not really...his stuff gets played on grey's anatomy sometimes if you follow that scene at all. he's kind of folky, but just plain awesome and talented.
my good friend blake got me into him a little over a year ago because Greg is a friend of blake's, and blake has done some photography for him. ANYWAY, we all saw Greg play about a year ago at the Roxy in Hollywood and it was a good time.

two sundays ago, June 1, I had the privilege to go see him play a sort of surprise, low-key show on the roof of Whole Foods' parking lot on south street here in philly.
it was absolutely perfect.

even though I was like one of 3 people that heard about it and actually came out, Greg didn't seem to care, he was kicking off his months-long tour with ingrid michaelson that night at the TLA, so he was in good spirits. as were we, the 3 people or so that sat there soaking it all in with big smiles on our faces.

I tell you, the setting was perfect. Warm sunny weather, city skyline behind the stage, perfect breeze, and I'm sitting there listening to a bunch of really good new tracks I hadn't heard before..

It felt like I was a private show where there were playing just for me.
I seriously couldn't have been happier.
here is a picture of that day:



and here is an old photo i found from the show at the roxy in feb 07:



yes. so great!

so in line with all this, lately I've been chatting with friends about what it means for art and music to have "soul" in it. i.e. beauty, feeling, life, goosebumps...to me this really just means GOD, because I believe God is within and around and creator of all things beautiful, and alive. To me, anything with "soul" points me to God and His awesomeness that is infinite and amazing, regardless of whether the label of "Christian" is tacked onto it. In fact, I'm not a fan of doing that in general. Labeling certain music or art or books as Christian can be a dangerous thing because all to easily becomes exclusive and leading to "us" "them" categories. Besides the fact that there's a good bunch of art that has been labeled as Christian and is NOT good quality or artistically at all and definitely lacks that "soul".

Last night I watched a movie with some serious SOULNESS.
It's called ONCE starring Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, he's from Ireland, she czech republic. I don't want to give away the film or anything for people that haven't seen it, but it mostly focuses on the extraordinary music the two of them make together in this spontaneous whirlwind of a week. one of the songs from the film won the 2008 Oscar for Best Song. What's so cool is that these two make music together in real life, and became a real life couple after the film (they already knew each other before the film was made and were already playing music together in Prague ---yeah i know, how could you NOT fall in love in that city and WITH that city for that matter!!!! *cough* <michael adams!>
anyway, I pretty much listened to the soundtrack 33 times in row in the past 24 hours especially during my 2+ hours drive back from York today. Do the right thing and go listen to it, or at least the main song that won the oscar, 'Falling Slowly' on the movie website link I gave above or you can click here.



I should also add that Glen Hansard is not a newcomer by any means. He's the front man of the awesome band THE FRAMES from Ireland. They've been around for awhile and are a really talented group.

I can't resist ending this post with the beautiful lyrics to the ONCE song
I just love it.

Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly Lyrics

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react

And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black

You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Trying Not to Lose My Mind and or Soul

Mom, don't read this one!

today I woke up at 11 am with a start when my friend Seong Ah knocked on my door ready to start our all day studying extravaganza.

we hit the ground running--- read, wrote, and highlighted ourselves silly in between freak outs about the insane amount of work to be done and email/facebook breaks. just kidding, but not really..

me being me, I still managed to do all of this, save the world, AND be home for dinner by 6. PLUS a few other amazing accomplishments...

Top 5 incredulous things I managed to do today IN LIEU of studying for finals:

5. microwaving M&M's
4. writing a firery email to a white supremacy group challenging some of their beliefs
3. reorganizing the pictures, cards, and magnets on my refrigerator
2. going with my friend to all 16 floors in our building to every trashroom, looking for treasures that people are a-tossin! and I DID find some things! (college students throw out TONS of perfectly awesome stuff during move-out times!!)
1. writing this post

me and seong: "LET US DIE."

no matter where I go you're in my bones.

*this is from something I posted a few weeks ago from facebook, but needs to see the light of blogspot ---just a lil summary for any interested folks!*

I firmly believe that when you're an artist, of ANY form, creativity/inspiration/whatever you wanna call it comes to you at some of the most unexpected and inconvenient times, and you have no choice but to get it all out and down on paper or onto the computer screen before it escapes you forever.

That's pretty much what's happening here.

I've been meaning to write about this for over a month now, but the spare time to organize my thoughts in this wonderful public setting has continued to evade me ---much to my frustration.

I'm nearly finished my first year of grad school (so hard to believe) and I'm really really thankful. Not only am I thankful to be nearly done that first year, I'm extremely thankful to be IN grad school and learning from many top notch professionals and educators. I'm thankful to have some pretty fantastic (and hilarious) people in my program that make me laugh in every class (and I them!!). I'm thankful to be about 45 minutes away from some of the people I've lived about a 5 hour plane ride away from during the past 7 years (and sometimes a 12 hour plane ride) namely my parents, sister, and extended family. And also, I'm really really thankful that there's only one more year of school after this one.

I spent part of 2006 and 2007 (about a year all together) in a wonderful time of life we call TRANSITION. yup, a whole year. Its not like I didn't do anything, cause I did. I lived with my cousins in Los Angeles, met some great friends through my life group at Christian Assembly, nannied for an awesome 6 yr old and equally talented 11 yr old, visited santa barbara, san fransisco, and san diego again, and lots of trips to orange county of course! Most importantly, I decided what was next and where I was going to go to school. That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my life. Maybe it actually WAS the hardest, now that I think about it. Looking back, I don't even know how I actually MADE that decision. I just remember agonizing over and over and over about it. Finally, I chose Drexel and then I felt quietness inside, but in a good way. Really though, it was just the calm before the storm.

Things are hitting me now...reality that is. I said goodbye to a lot back there, in california. Upon driving away from my two "kids" Rachel and Ben for the last time at their house, I was surprised by my own flood of tears. Those two rascals drove me NUTS at times and probably I them (for not letting them get away with things all the time), we really bonded. All of my FAMILY out there...my French cousin and her husband with whom we had our weekly dinner + 24 nights + nonstop laughter, my little 2 yr old cousin Vienna from whom i was learning Armenian from (she's ridiculously smart and could actually translate between Armenian and English), my cousins Irene and Gerry who graciously opened their home to me, and my wonderful cousin Diane whom I simply ADORE. She's the big sister I never had, until we became roommates when I moved to Los Angeles after graduating from college. And not to forget all my amazing friends who I miss fiercely even now, ones from undergrad and new ones that I met in unexpected places and ways.
But oh, california. You had stolen my heart from day one. And you didn't really have to even try because you had one major, powerful, gets-me-anytime secret weapon: the ocean.

I just can't stand to be away from it. I think I would die if I had to live in Kansas, unless it was just for the summer where I could tag along with some storm chasers. But the ocean is like my lifeline. I feel like I have some weird connection with it. I think my parents were dead on in giving me the name that they did. Meredith means "from the sea".
But then there's the palm trees, the desert, the mountains, the SUN and its warmth... HOME. its in my bones.

No matter where you go, you're always missing someone or something. A LOT. at least this has been my experience. its hard for me at times, cause I'm such a sucker when it comes to my emotions and memories and people I love. Sometimes I wish I could just feel no emotions at all or at least be very seldom affected, but then I guess I wouldn't be me at all anymore. And that's definitely not ok with me!!! and probably not with many other people either. Still though, I hate goodbyes. I dread those times in my life where I feel like I don't belong anywhere or to anyone...where I feel like I don't have much control or idea about what is going to happen next. They inevitably do happen. Especially when you tend to not live in the same place year after year after year after year doing the same thing day after day after day. At the end of the day though, i wouldn't trade my life for anything. I just wouldn't.

So back to my original reason for writing this first and extremely lengthy monologue...it wasn't supposed to a trip down memory lane, but more like reflections on "life w/ grad school" type of deal. While I'm missing so many of the people and things I described above, I am also missing a few other things, like a social life, time for creative/artistic stuff I love to do, and an income. maybe just...independency? Its weird cause I'm 25, living in the supposedly free des Etats Unis, with a car and access to education and many other resources, but I DON'T feel very free. I mean, I shouldn't even be sitting here and WRITING this right now ---I'm supposed to be...being productive.
what.the.crap.
I feel like those parts of me are sleeping or dormant at the moment or something and when that happens, I don't feel quite like "me" anymore. its weird and sad and new and exciting and scary all at once.

you'll go backwards, but then, you'll go forwards again.

Thank you Coldplay song that ironically sounds a lot like radiohead.

well, with all that said, I guess I'm learning everyday that its okay if I don't really have time to paint or keep learning guitar and play it for the old people or sew or host fun parties for friends or skateboard on lunchbreaks at the beach or go to a bazillion concerts or free movie screenings or be in southern california. It doesn't mean I'll never be able to do those things again, I will, but right now they have to be put on the backburner for the most part, for a season.

so friends, there's a crazy long update for you, for those that have been hungry for some news from the captivating and elusive world of meredith munro. I miss and love you all very much and I hope this note finds you well and smiling! cheers.

Long/Creative Song Titles = Music to My Ears

Maybe it's cause I have a penchant for the unique and unexpected, but one of my favorite things, oddly enough, are long song titles. I don't know why, I just dig it. One band in particular has a habit of doing this, is Underoath
I will warn you though, don't click on that link unless you tend to be a fan of the hardcore/screamo/rock persuasion. If not your ears will not thank you! I on the other hand, am a lover of Underoath. I love their message and attitude as a group of christian musicians in the music scene. And the lyrics. Oh man. so soooo good! A super good friend of mine, Michael Adams, (LOVE THAT GUY) is also a very talented musician, and once described Underoath's music sort of as modern day psalms.

some good long titles of Underoath's include:

-I don't feel very receptive today.
-It's dangerous business walking out your front door.
-I got ten friends and a crowbar that says you ain't gonna do jack.
-Some seek forgiveness, others escape.
-There could be nothing after this.
-The impact of reason.

and some more from underoath drummer/vocalist Aaron Gillespie's side project
The Almost:

-I mostly like to copy other people
-They say you can never write I told you so in a song but here I go
-Call back when I'm honest

also, local philadelphia & english-teachin' band mewithoutYou has some pretty amazingly long and creative ones!!

-A glass can only spill what it contains
-I never said that I was brave
-Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt
-Tie me up! Untie me!

So great. yay for the little things in life that make you happy.

yay for people who think outside the box and can express some pretty intense thoughts/emotions through music and poetry.

I've got a lot of admiration for that! I've also been very lucky to see all of these bands play live and can't to do it again soon.

Alright, back to the part where I'm NOT procrastinating and actually writing my paper du jour!!!

beauty AND brains

Saturday night I went to a birthday party extravaganza down by Atlantic City and it was black tie. Being the poor grad student that I am, I was left to my own devices and limited cosmetology experience to do my own hair and make-up. I've done updo's on other people before and they actually came out pretty well, but that was then and this is now and I wanted a different style. Here's the result! I'm rather proud :)

Bamboo Birthday

When I was in St. Lucia for spring break in March (I KNOW!) my family and I went on a rainforest hike that lasted about 4 hours, and included a waterfall plunge and actual RAIN keeping us drenched and cool. How ironic. Anyway, at some point during the hike the guide stopped by a thicket of bamboo and shared some fascinating facts that I had never heard before. Bamboo can grow up to 18 inches IN A DAY and is as durable as steel. It only blossoms every 100 years or so, and right after the bamboo blossoms, it dies.

Of course, this probably isn't across the board for all species of this incredible plant, but nonetheless I was fascinated by this. How crazy is it, that the bamboo could spend its whole life, just growing and growing, and when it finally comes time to blossom, its at the end of its life. If only you are so lucky to be around at the right time during that 100 year or so lifespan to see the beauty at the very end.
This makes me think of how I am also something God created that is still growing, sometimes it feels like 18 inches in a day, other times 18 inches in 2 years but regardless I need to have patience. Will I be 100 when I finally bloom? Who will be around to see it? Sometimes I wonder these things, but then I remember I am blooming NOW, even when I do not see it. On my 26th birthday, May 14, 2008, I have flowers all over me because of God's goodness in my life. Thank you O Lord for blessing me with another year of LIFE through You! Thank you that you can grow beautiful blossoms out of places where sorrow once was. Thank you that you can make beauty from ashes.